Day 16: Trust
We know suffering. All of us have undergone Earth-shattering, reality-altering, mind-bending occurrences and they have shaped us so. But suffering isn’t always the terrible or painful. Sometimes suffering lies in not having an answer—But, then again, is it the absence of the knowledge or just fear of acceptance?
What would happen if we just let go of our grip on always needing to know the answer or what to do next? The more I think about it what a silly thing to even strive for—control. Why would I want it? Yearning for a burden that I am powerless to, for what? What will be, will be. What is for me, is for me. What is mine, is mine. What isn’t, wasn’t meant to be. I cannot acknowledge the existence of myself without first acknowledging my own reflection in the night sky. A window to the Heavens and looking glass to my future. I know how it ends so why try to make it something it was never going to be —we are all just star dust.
I relinquish control. I don’t want it. I don’t want power. I am part flesh, flesh can always be corrupted. My deepest desire is to stay pure of heart. I want empowerment. I don’t want control of the situation, thats too much. I want the situation to be controlled. We were designed to submit. That is indisputable. No matter what we choose, it will be to something. We (humans) will make a God out of anything (have made a God out of anything). And to the Gods we make we give power and control. But from where power is given, it can also be taken. If it is controlling you, take the power back from it. But first you must acknowledge that it was from within you that that power was given— we are gods (with emphasis on the lil g) after all.
Silly Man, designed in the reflection of Divinity and too blinded to see what that even means (of course myself included). We have yet to unlock all of the secrets of the Great Mystery but where is there space for answer if not first an acceptance that “the mystery” is not a mystery at all. Mystery is only a a single perspective and just a partial picture. Just because I do not know the answer or understand the problem, that does not negate the fact that God (Him-Her-Themselves) does not exist in that same space in my life and yet I have no problem accepting that existence. The evidence of things unseen is all around. I know what I know about my God but there is so much that I may never (not on this plane at least). And I understand that my understanding is malleable and I should lean not onto it.
So in the end, I don’t know shit and I don’t need to know. I only need to trust.
