The act of releasing the stories of my broken heart and the ones, (partly) responsible is not for the purpose of creating an “exposè”. These past few days have been quite illuminating for me and my own actions and intentions. While the relinquishing aspect of it all is treasured and refreshing for me—ugly and sad truths have been brought to light as well. And I cannot run from them.
Healing means taking accountability.
Being a fantasizer for me only really translates to one thing: expectations. So many expectations delicately aligned in a sequence that will render the most perfect, most, most, most ever! But thats not what you see while you’re living the moment out in your head. It’s like a simulation, all the possible outcomes being composed one after the other. Dominos. One fails and the whole thing comes falling down.
It’s hard to tell but the truth of it all will set you free. I have things to get off my chest. I began researching though my old journals— and I am appalled . It’s just sad me and it’s hard to not hold contempt for myself. “You were just 15”, “16” or “a teenager’. Those realities only go so far with me. I always give myself options— meaning a conscious decision was reached. It’s time for me to weigh those decisions.. one by one.
Dealing with my shame behind closed doors first. Stay tuned.
