Lately, I’ve been fighting to keep my BIRTHRIGHT.. (pt. 1)
The Narrow Road.
I’ve never challenged the existence of a God. As a child it just “made sense”. I was able to look around and see God’s hand on everything, (my inheritance from, Inger). At my young age I found Atheism to be nothing other than illogical-foolishness. “How could they not see?”, I remember protesting to my mother as we drove up Main Street, admiring the transition colors of the clouds amidst their routine sunset.
“Look in the mirror and you’ll see, you did not get here on your own.”
Lately, I have been fighting for my salvation and asking God to help me understand what, “salvation”, even means. Thus far I know, that the main enemy from which I need saving is myself. I’ve been fighting for the right that I was born with. And the conception of that right had to pass through the birthing canal of sacrifice: Though His flesh naturally had reservations about meeting such a brutal, shameful and bloodied end, it had to be done. All in order to pass along the ultimate gift. There must be a sacrifice. Even the devil requires sacrifice. But in his counterfeit nature what he offers suffices for yet a moment and the true reward lies to be discovered post death.The generation walking the Earth today was born with the right to walk with God just as Adam did. God formed you in His own image and called you beloved. It is by no one else’s choices other than our own what in the beginning was free, now costs greatly. It cost Jesus His life. Yahweh His son. Mary her baby and the disciples their master all so that the original and ultimate gift could become once again, a birthright. The cost of our inheritance is a choice.
Though our birthright, we often trade it in for what is temporarily pleasing. Like Esau and Jacob, unbeknownst to them, both carrying the early building blocks of which the church of Christ stands. Esau, first born to Issac (son of Abraham, “Father of all nations.”), with due inheritance found himself famished, hot and “starving”. Meanwhile, his younger brother was inside cooking stew. In his present and deceitful state he petitioned his younger twin brother to feed him. In Jacob’s cunning and “heal grabbing” nature he would comply but at the cost of Esau’s literal birthright. Overcome by his temporary desires to satisfy his flesh, Esau, surrendered what both his earthy and Heavenly Father set aside for him. His portion. His future. And his promise.
All for a bowl of stew.
What “stew” are you temporarily enjoying at the cost of your birthright?
I’ve come to a point in my walk where God has begun to shift my heart towards the treasure He gave to me and is mine if I choose. I was able to come to Him the way that I was but I have not been granted access to stay as I am. Godly sacrifices must be made. For the chance at an eternity with Him. Eternity is something that is impossible for humans to understand without God’s wisdom. The lack of true understanding is why we take lightly the finality of our own deaths and consequently the death of choice, evident by how we toy with our lives through various and consistent acts of disobedience.
I have surrendered every vision I once had for myself. Marriage, children, wealth, renown, having my own marijuana garden in my the dream home, becoming a part of #Vanlife and traveling for a living, owning a farm on a French countryside, “Eat, Pray, Loving” myself through the world; I have had fantasized much about my life and how it “should” look. But when your own vision for your life supersedes the purpose for which God called you and to the point where the potential to align with His vision is not there, where does your Father truly lie in your heart? The answer to this question is something I have been working to solidify.
It is possible that the Lord may seek to bestow some of these thing to me one day or He may never, He may even have something better. Because I have decided my life is not my own anymore, those answers rest with Him and I will look forward to what lies ahead and be okay if our visions were different. What matters is the posture of the heart. Through His grace I have reached a point where I am willing to say..
“ I would rather have you Lord, even if it means I sacrifice my ideal self. Remake me from the inside to reflect your image. Amen.”
— because surely the omnipotent, omniscient and Eternal One who created all things (including myself) should have a sliver of insight, right? ...
[TO BE CONTINUED]
