I’ve missed you so. These days speaking with you has become a fight. In my absence I have digested the shock to the system that was the 5 year mark of a last goodbye. I have also began to settle in the potential of a death of another kind some would say.. I have been given a prognosis of having Rheumatoid Arthritis... Seeing it written out is a completely different thing. But in an effort to still feel connected to what has been an instrument of expression from within my purest self since I can recall— writing by hand— I have decided to press pass the stiffness and swelling that progresses with every letter typed. I love you that much.. A note to me and a note to you.
Every Artist fears arthritis. Me, I never even considered it. But I have decided to let it pass through me. By happenstance this Artist has been sharpening tools elsewhere in recent years. I have an entirely new weapons collection and they’re all made of spirit. I have decided to fight and wage war. Mind, body and spirit. I have declared, “No”. No — I will not become disfigured. No— I will not lose mobility. No— I will not let this overrun me and what I came to do. Along side my “No’s” are even more reverberated Yes’s. Yes to my health and long life. Yes to my longevity. Yes to my purpose still being fulfilled. But in all thing Yes to you Lord and Yes to your will. May it be done. And within that faith and trust that I have for the will of God— be that my immediate healing or a new means of navigating life— I claim both my healing and my peace. I believe I can have them both. And in either scenario.
How I function on a daily basis has become noticeably more challenging. Privileges I held prior to, it is only now that I see clearly how I took them for granted. The mundane becomes frustrating and difficult. All the while speaking words of encouragement aloud to myself to push through. Opening cans or bottles. Getting dressed. Turning keys and knobs. Pouring into a glass. It’s, “I know. Come on baby you go this. You can do it baby.” In a lot of ways it just feels like my Inner Inger teaching me how to properly wage a war of love over yourself.
All in all this body is due to run its course and breakdown as time progresses. But not right now. I’ve got too much to do.
My lineage is both parts military and prayer warrior — I was bred for a time such as this. Let’s get it.
