Day 58: Two more days and then we celebrate.
I'm very much so looking forward to the day I have planned for us on Tuesday. I will not be entertaining my students and have decided to cancel class. I've also decided to treat her day like my birthday, doing the things in which she would have on her behalf. Pouring that love back into myself. My day will be: going with breakfast at my favorite spot (Inger), followed by a trip to HomeGoods for a new comforter and set of sheets (very Inger), continued by a Mani Pedi , CBD body treatment and massage (Inger all day), then back home for a nap and then after that back out for a new dinner spot and in conclusion back home to dye my hair. All in all I'm going to have a very Inger ass day. I thought about getting a little vile with a cork top and taking some of her ashes with me, but it's too fucking traumatizing. I don't think I can do it. I'm all good with her in spirit, but to think about the process of her flesh undergoing cremation.. Honestly, I’d just rather not. Seeing ashes is one thing but handling them, potentially spilling them, dust in the air?.. Thats a beast for another year. She's with me in spirit and I carry half of her in my being. It's just hard for me to see because we're so damn alike. But I know she'd rather me do me all day than cry all day. I don't have any sadness in me, not right now. Just excitement.
It's going to be a good day.
“ My passion for people could be seen through bonds forged with those I helped through my social work. I never liked the idea of an abuse survivor not having a friend to lean on when they finally decided to take that first step. Who would hug the broken child and remind them that they were special, pour into them and create a safe haven while they navigate foster care? It was this heart–felt tugging that led me to obtain a bachelors degree in science and psychology with honors from Indiana Tech in 2011. After eight years of living in Indiana, I came back home to be near my family and friends. The night I got settled in, I laid down in Momma's guest bedroom. The house was quiet, and I heard a voice say, "I brought you here to heal you." I knew it was God because I wasn't afraid, and felt comforted. Three months later, as I was in bed, I felt a pain in my right breast. After a mammogram, which resulted in a biopsy, I was asked to come into my doctors office. The paint in the exam room was so dated, and the office smelled like curry. Pepto-Bismol pink and a 1990s teal … yikes! I would have designed the room to be more tranquil had I've been a commercial designer. But, the colors were a distraction, and I needed that. When my doctor walked in, she grabbed my hand and apologized. "I'm so sorry! It's Breast Cancer – stage two, and versus invasive ductile carcinoma. The good news is that I believed it's been caught early. Thank God you Felt the lump. Breast cancer doesn't hurt and you are quite busty. So it's all good. Somebody is looking out for you!” ”
To be continued…
